My Rolling and Puking Machine

Graesen is feeling better by the hour.  This morning I set him down by his toys while I put on my makeup.  I came back and he was across the room with his arms and legs wrapped around one of his toys (one I did not set out for him).  I took that as a cue that he really wanted that toy.  My boy is a rolling machine!

(He was by the black pillows)

 

 

Graesen has also been a puking machine.  The medicine must be hard on his stomach, because it seems that every time I turn around there is more spit up to clean.  I was taking pictures of the boy playing, and accidentally caught him in action.

 

 

Thank goodness he got to take a bath this afternoon!

Feeling better already

I have been keeping Graesen loaded up with Tylenol so that he doesn't feel uncomfortable.  It seems to be working.  He has started nursing on a close-to-normal schedule and even ate some solids for dinner.  For some reason, however, he is refusing his bottle with the miralax in it.  I have tried giving it to him with both milk and juice, but he won't even take a sip.  His stomach must be upset from the meds, because Graesen LOVES juice and he has been spitting up a lot.  Hopefully tomorrow he will take his medicine.  I don't want him to get all stopped up again.
Graesen has been feeling well enough to play some today.  He is napping a ton, but wakes up every few hours to play.  It is so cute, because he is still sleepy but trying so hard to have fun.  He has been rubbing his eyes and face a lot.

 

 

I have been enjoying my time with Graesen a lot today.  He keeps reaching for me to give him hugs.  It's so funny.  It's like he thinks he just survived a near-death experience.  He reaches out for me with a big smile then yells and squeals as loud as he can.  It's a very cute celebration every time he does it.

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Phoebe came over for a little bit today.  She looked so cute, I just had to take a picture to share.

Surgery

We got to the hospital at 11 am today for check in.  Graesen was very sleepy when we first got there.

 

 

He woke up in time for the nurse to take his vitals-which he thought was hilarious.  We then went into a pre-op room where Graesen got put in his gown and many nurses and doctors came to talk to us.  Graesen loved his gown.

 

 

I was worried about Graesen getting hungry (he was able to nurse at 7 and have apple juice at 9, but nothing after that), but he crashed in my arms.  This was a definite blessing, because the surgeon ended up having to help with another surgery, so they did not come for Graesen until 1:30.

To make sure Graesen stayed nice and sleep for the start of his IV, they gave him some medicine.  He actually woke up when they gave it to him, and was very loopy and silly.

At 1:30 the nurses took him away.  At 2:00 they came to tell us that surgery had been started.  Around 3:00 he was done, and shortly after Evan and I got to go back to recovery with him.  It just broke my heart to see Graesen with an oxygen mask, heart monitors, blood pressure cuff, pulse reader, and IV covering his body.  He was sleeping soundly at first and the surgeon came back to talk to us.  She said the surgery went well, and it was the right thing to do, as there was no tunnel for the testicle to ever come down.  She also found a hernia during surgery and fixed it.  As soon as she left Graesen started to wake up.  He was obviously uncomfortable and scared.  He started crying really hard.  Then he was having a little trouble breathing.  He kept coughing/choking.  Apparently the intubation during surgery really irritated his airway.  I tried to nurse him, but he refused.  We tried a bottle of sugar water, but he would only take a small sip.  We could not calm him down, and the nurse was getting a bit concerned about his breathing and how much pain he seemed to be in.  It was awful to see him that way.  During surgery they gave him what is similar to an epidural.  He should have been totally numb and had trouble moving his legs, but he was kicking like crazy and screaming.  The nurse said that every so often the numbing does not work and that seems to be the case for Graesen.  When nothing would calm him down, the nurse suggested we try some morphine through his IV.  Just as she added the morphine, I noticed his hand was bleeding by the IV.  We moved him and found that there was blood all of the pillow we had been using to prop him up so he could breathe more easily.  He had ripped his IV out.  To make things worse I started to get really dizzy.  I think I may have been holding my breath without realizing it.  The nurse went to get juice for me and some more help.  They decided that we should either try to see if Graesen could keep down some tylenol with codeine or give him a new IV for morphine.  Thankfully, he was able to keep down the tylenol and finally calmed down.  The nurse said she has noticed that the babies with hernias in addition to the undecended testicles experience way more pain.  Once we saw that Graesen fell back asleep and his breathing had calmed down (and he was maintaining high oxygen levels), we were cleared to go home. 

Graesen moaned in his sleep for quite some time.  I am keeping him loaded up with the Tylenol with codeine, so he has been very sleepy.  He lets out a little cry or moan every once in a while, but is doing well overall.  He just finally felt up to nursing and I changed his diaper.  After I was finished messing with him, he fell right back to sleep.  I am hoping he will sleep most of the weekend so that he doesn't have to experience much more pain.

Here is one of the two incisions.  It doesn't look near as bad as I was expecting, because they only used stitches internally and used glue on the skin.

The poor boy has sensitive skin, so he has marks all over from the tape.  The dark areas on his stomach are from where the tape on his stomach was.

His legs are much chubbier than the last time he had an ankle bracelet.

Surgery Tomorrow

Graesen's surgery is tomorrow at 12:30.  Please keep him in your prayers. 
I have the house cleaned and the laundry all caught up so I can just focus on Graesen this weekend.
I took Graesen to the doctor.  The doctor is not sure yet what is causing all the stomach troubles, so we are treating more than one thing for now.  Graesen is now on Zantac for possible reflux, Miralax for constipation, and glycerin suppositories for constipation.  I am also sad to say that I am off all dairy.  The doctor thinks that a dairy allergy is a possibility too.  So, for now we will treat everything to get Graesen comfortable, then we will see what happens if I start eating dairy again.  I am now thinking that the issues are more of a Graesen problem, and less of a milk supply problem.  Graesen just fights me while he nurses a lot of the time, and he refused to eat while at his babysitter's today.  On top of that when I pumped at work today, I got more than Graesen ate yesterday while at the lactation appointment.  We check back in with them next week, and go back to the doctor in a week and a half.  I am anxious to get Graesen more comfortable and sleeping more.

Bring on the ice cream

I took Graesen to the lactation specialist today to see if there was anything I could change with my nursing to help with the stomach aches.  I fed Graesen while I was there and he only got 3.8 oz.  That is about half of what he needs, and explains some of the night waking.  So we have a low supply problem.  Again.  Part of this is due to the fact that I can't seem to keep weight on.  I have been eating up a storm, but have somehow managed to drop to 5 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight.  The nurse thinks that it might be taking me so many calories to keep up with Graesen that my diet just isn't cutting it (seriously, how is a half gallon of ice cream every three days not enough extra calories?).  She also looked at my thyroid tests the doctor did.   Although I was within normal range, I tested on the high side.  So really my body IS taking everything and burning it extra fast right now.  The nurses orders to help with this low supply problem?  Pump a lot.  Add more herbs again.  Eat more ice cream- actually, eat more fat in general.  I am under strict orders to add fat to everything and eat as much as possible.  The goal: 3000 calories per day.  Does this sound ridiculous to anyone else?  As crazy as it all seems, I took her word to heart and hit the grocery store.  I walked away with mini candy bars, ice cream, yogurt (not the low fat kind that I normally get), chips, and hummus along with some normal groceries.  Tonight Graesen and I went to dinner with Evan's mom.  I ate a burger (minus the bun), fries (I asked for seconds), and a milk shake.  To top it off I came home and ate around 8 mini candy bars.  I am SUCH a good patient :)
The other possible reason for the low supply is due to the fact the Graesen pulls away and throws a fit while eating, thus hurting my body's ability to "let down."  We think he either has reflux, pain that may be solved by his surgery, or some unknown intestinal problems.  The nurse has me giving him small drops of mylanta after meals tonight to see if it helps with the fussiness.  If it does, we will know for sure that he has a reflux problem.  I am also taking Graesen to see his doctor tomorrow so the doctor can check out his stomach.  Hopefully we will get some answers and in a week or so (once my supply is up and surgery is over) Graesen will start sleeping again.
Here are some pictures of Graesen at the restaurant tonight.  This was his first time in one of the kid seats.  I brought his dinner with us so he could eat while there.  He thought it was so cool :)

 

Our Weekend

Graesen has found a new love.

Her name is Cassie.

He wants to keep her.

Graesen has also discovered a need to self-feed.

He is very adamant that I let him have the spoon.

Which results in the need for a bath...wherever he is.

And if you take are going to take a bath, why not invite a friend to join?

Graesen has decided that pooping is far too difficult of of a task.

We have to get this problem solved before his surgery.

So much fun...

The sleep battle continues.  Graesen does not sleep.  He won't settle down to sleep at night, and just kicks and thrashes.  He will finally fall asleep between 10 and 11:30.  He will then wake up every 45 min to 2 hours.  Even when he is asleep he grunts, groans, and thrashes.  I can only get him to sleep in his crib for maybe a half hour.  While he wakes up the same number of times in the crib or with us, he is inconsolable when he wakes up in the crib.  To make matters worse he hardly naps.  He is now sporting some dark circles under his eyes and a seriously cranky demeanor.

So Grown Up

Graesen rolled over back-to-front today!  I have been trying to get him to do it for so long!  Do you want to know what made him do it?

Yup, a shoe.

 

He loves that shoe.  (he rolled back after he got it)

So nonchalant about it all:)

Hopefully I can catch him in action on camera/video tomorrow.

Cousins

I babysat my niece, Phoebe, while Shawna had a job interview. 

Phoebe is starting to like Graesen (so long as Grandma or mommy aren't around).  Today the two played together nicely for the most part.  At one point Graesen tried to grab Phoebe's raisins.  Phoebe yanked them back, shouting "mine!" and knocking Graesen over.  Graesen didn't seem to mind at all :)  I think he has a long future of being "bossed around" by his big cousin.  Pretty soon, though, they will be the same size, so Graesen won't get knocked over quite so easily. 

 

They were wearing their matching vests today (not planned), and check out the sizes!  (Keep in mind that Graesen is 6 months and Phoebe is 16 months-is it ridiculous that they are wearing the same size?)

 

Before Phoebe came over I took Graesen to get his seasonal and H1N1 flu vaccines.  He hardly cried at all, which surprised me, because he normally acts like he is dying when he gets shots.  He was a little sad later on, though.  Look at those chubby legs!

Yesterday was freakishly gorgeous outside for January.  I took Graesen for his first run in the running stroller.

Unfortunately, I got about a quarter of a mile away and realized that the tires were all flat and needed filling.  I was almost to Shawna's house, so I just asked her if I could borrow her stroller for the rest of the run.

Again, we got about a quarter of a mile away and I realized that something was wrong with one of the tires.  It had come off the wheel!  I managed to fix it, but it still needed air.  We didn't end up running long (3 miles max) due to all the issues, but we did stop at the park so Graesen could go on his first swing!

 

Last night we worked in the nursery at the gym.  Shawna was feeling too sick to work, and the girl who was going to sub for her was home with a very sick baby, so I said I could take over.  Graesen came with me, and loved all the action.  The little girls loved playing mommy with him.

Also, if you happen to know any miracle cures for getting babies to sleep (besides the cry-it-out method), please let me know.  Graesen now only naps if I nap with him and he can feel me up against him.  He also gets up 2 to 3 times to eat at night (after fighting sleep until 10:30 or 11).  Then, to make things worse, he wakes up crying between feedings and will only stop if I bring him into bed with me.  Needless to say, I am exhausted.  Most people tell me to just let him cry it out, but I can't do it.  I worry that he will be scared and not understand that I will always come back to him.  I am beginning to wonder if there is a medical reason for the lack of sleep and fussiness.  Or, if maybe he is feeling my stress and reacting to it :(

Being a mother

 Being a mother means fearing that the pain in our lives will be felt by the child in our arms.  It means holding back until they sleep; waiting so that they don't have to see how you really feel.  Putting on a silly dance, initiating peek-a-boo, playing airplane while masking the stress that looms overhead.  Dealing with challenges becomes even more challenging.  Every action affects not one, but two.  One tear out of a mother's eye may mean two out of the child's, whose tender heart experiences pain at a much higher magnitude.  Wipe away the grief, put on a smile, and sing your greatest renditions of childhood songs.  He's worth it.  Wait until he sleeps.

 

But then, don't put him down.  When life seems too difficult, when the storm surrounds, he will be the calm.  A gift from the Father to make life manageble, to add a touch of joy even in the toughest times.