Busy, busy, *almost walking boy

I picked up some shifts working at our gym nursery for the rest of the summer.  I am also babysitting 2 kids starting Friday in addition to my niece.  The good thing is that Graesen can be with me for all of these things.  Monday I watched my niece, Phoebe, and worked in the nursery in the evening.  Graesen and Phoebe played outside and had a great time.  They are so cute together!

Tuesday I had the day off since I am just starting to babysit the two children at the end of the week.  Graesen was so tired from Monday that he took a very long, 3 hour nap in my arms.  We then went swimming at my parents' house.  Graesen is a fish!  He actually likes to go underwater.  We can let him go and he will swim under water for a second or two on his own!  He amazes me!
Today I had another day off, because I switched shifts this week with my boss at the gym nursery.  Graesen and I went to mom/baby group where there was a lesson on infant massages.  Most of the babies seemed to really enjoy their massages.  Graesen's massage more closely resembled a wrestling match than a relaxing event.  He did not want to sit down for his massage.  He did seem to like the few minutes of it he got here and there, but he did not have the patience for sustained periods of sitting still.
In the afternoon we met my sister and Phoebe at Riverfront Park.  The kids rode the carousel for the first time.  Graesen liked it until it started to move, then he started to cry.

We also saw the garbage-sucking goat.  Apparently the noise the goat made while sucking garbage was terrifying to both kids.

We visited the geese and seagulls.

There was no "G" to take Graesen's picture next to :(

We went down the big red wagon slide.

We finished our park visit with a ride on the gondolas.  Phoebe and Graesen were too cute sitting on the ride together!

Evan met Graesen and I after Shawna left for a short walk around the park.  We found this vending machine.  How funny is that?--A rubber duck vending machine! 

Tonight we went to church for a potluck and goodbye celebration for our pastor.  He is leaving our church, because he had a calling to go somewhere else.  We are going to miss him.
We also went out with Evan's mom tonight.  She wanted to take us to see Toy Story 3.  Graesen lasted through about half the movie and did a pretty good job.  Then he crashed and has been asleep since.  He was so tired from all the activity.  The movie was cute, but I think a few parts may have scared Graesen.  His eyes would get very wide during "scary" parts of the movie.  I am sure he is fine, though :)  And for the most part he seemed to enjoy what he saw.

*Also, Graesen has been working on learning to walk.  He can take a couple of steps on his own before he gets nervous and sits down.

Getting close

As Graesen's birthday nears, I can't help but remember all the little details from this time last year.  It's more than just remembering.  It's really being taken back to the moment.  The feel of his slippery skin when he was first placed on my chest.  The calm of the first nights as I drifted in and out of sleep with Graesen next to me in my hospital bed.  I hear his quiet cries and feel the rough umbilical stump while changing his clothes.  I smell the peanut butter toast I for some reason had every morning for weeks after Graesen was born.  Every smell, sound, sight, and feeling is coming back to me, flooding me with emotion each day.  I miss those early days so much.  I love my time with Graesen now, but I wish I could go back to those first days knowing what I know now.  It went by so fast, and I was so inexperienced and scared.  I want to experience it again.  The beauty of the mother/son relationship forming.  I hate admitting that my baby is nearly a toddler.  I refuse to accept the fact that he may eventually sleep without my constant cuddling (in fact he is sleeping is his crib right now and has been for 3 1/2 hours-a rarity).  As excited as I am to watch him grow, I hate how little time he is at each stage.  So for now, bare with me if I give my son an annoying number of hugs and kisses, if I continue to allow him to be a co-sleeper, and if I call him "baby" like it is his name.  After all, he will only be a baby for a little while longer.

Reminders

Yesterday Evan lost his job.  It was an odd circumstance and maybe a blessing in disguise, but still very stressful.  We both had a day of completely and totally freaking out.  How are we going to pay our house bill, health insurance, student loans, etc.?  Due to the fact that I am a substitute teacher and Evan's job (at the time) being enough to cover all our bills, I was not going to work a lot of hours this summer.  We decided to save money on childcare and only have me work jobs that would allow me to have Graesen with me or that had free childcare, so I was going to do some babysitting and teach some swim lessons.  Now I am trying to pick up as many hours as I can at the gym in addition to babysitting.  Evan is applying for jobs right and left.  I am going to apply to defer my loans until Evan gets a new job (or I get a good paying job).  We are hoping and praying that this time of unemployment will be short-lived.
After spending a great deal of time yesterday crying and stressing until I felt sick, today I was reminded of my blessings.  Graesen and I went to mom/baby group this morning.  When we got on the elevator and pushed the button, a doctor (who noticed the button I pushed was for the level with the NICU) asked me if I had a baby in the NICU.  I told him "no" and was instantly reminded of how blessed I am to have a healthy baby.  Again, as we neared the room where our group meets I was reminded of how God has protected my heart.  I saw a father walking around pushing his child in a little cart with IVs attached.  They were headed into the oncology unit.  Finally, tonight I was reminded one more time to be grateful for the things I have.  A little boy who I have been reading about and praying about for months is fighting cancer.  He is not much older than Graesen and today his parents found out that there is nothing else the doctors can do.  I was completely humbled.  These parents write about the wonder of God in their lives and continually give thanks for His presence.  God has given me so much and yet at the small setback of unemployment I questioned His plan, His presence.  In reality, God has given me more than I could ever deserve and I need to remember that He is in control and will meet my needs.  So, tonight, instead of stressing out aI bout finances or giving into frustration over the fact that my son hardly sleeps, I will enjoy his constant need to cuddle and will be grateful for the blessing that he is.  I will revel in the fact that God has given me a healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy and allow the sound of his breathing next to me to wash away my stress and my fears.

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The past couple of days I have enjoyed some wonderful time with Graesen and with family outside.  My sister and I took our little ones to the park yesterday:

Phoebe telling Graesen not to get in the water:

First apple (he still has no teeth, so he just licked it):

Somebody got so messy eating his picnic lunch that he had to have a wardrobe change:

Today we all swam at my parents house to cool off after a hot, humid day.

Graesen was really too little/young for this little floater, but we stood right by his and let him try it out.  He acted like he knew just what to do!

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I was right about Graesen's weight gain last week.  He really didn't gain as much as the scale said, but was just experiencing the effects of water retention due to flying.  He weighed in at 23 lbs even today (over 5 oz lighter than last week).  That puts him at 60.2%.  He is a big boy, but really not so huge anymore (compared to his percentiles at younger ages).

Father's Day and Birthday prep

We had a very relaxed day on Father's Day.  I got up with Graesen and did some cleaning while I let Evan sleep in as late as he wanted.

Graesen waiting for Daddy to get out of the shower and open his presents

What Graesen and I got Evan for Father's Day

(All pictures of Evan with Graesen)

(It's a little brighter now that it has been glazed)

Later in the day we spent some time visiting and eating snacks with my family and then going out to dinner with Evan's family.  We are very lucky to have both families in town so we get to see everyone.  I somehow forgot to get a picture of Evan and Graesen on Father's Day, but here are a couple of my favorites taken at other times.

I can hardly believe that Graesen is almost one.  I have found myself getting totally sappy lately and tearing up when I look at old pictures of him.  I feel so blessed to have been given such a wonderful child to love.  I have been having the most fun planning for Graesen's birthday.  I keep thinking of new ideas and adding new things.  I am making pretty much everything by hand.  Here is a little preview of what's to come:

I also started practicing for Graesen's cake.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make one, so I decided to do a practice run so that I would know if I needed to go buy one instead.  The colors are wrong.  I originally wanted to do a gold fish for Graesen's cake, but I have decided to go with blues and teals.  I was just practicing the way I would frost the cake, so I did it on a plate (the final one will be with thicker frosting, so it will look a little better).

For the cake for everyone else, I decided to make a fish-shaped cake.  I looked online for ideas, so the colors are from the site I saw, and I will be changing those.  I also started to run out of frosting, so I tried using some canned frosting I had, but the color was wrong and it didn't look right.  So... here's what the big cake looks like with the wrong colors, two different types of frosting, and unfinished spots due to being totally out of frosting :) 

I just love this little guy: