Today I was down. It is hard to believe that a week ago I was having a hard time sleeping, because I was so excited for my ultrasound. Now I am sitting here without a baby growing inside me and it is an unsettling feeling. I miss Lea a lot. I have a lot of fear about future pregnancies. Will God bless me with another child? Will I have another miscarriage? It is all very overwhelming to me right now. I am also majorly stressed about finding a summer job. Now, even more than before, I do not want to leave Graesen. I am trying to find a job that will minimize my time away from him or a babysitting job that he can come with me for. I do not like feeling unprepared for summer. I am a person who likes to plan and not knowing what to do this summer is only adding to my worries.
Evan has been playing in a rec league flag football team. They had playoffs today. Graesen and I went to watch, but Graesen really spent most of the time playing on the playground and running through puddles.
We went to my parents' house for dinner tonight. After dinner Graesen tried on some training pants my mom got for him. I plan on trying to train him this summer. I let Graesen play in the yard in his training pants, but it started to get a little cold. He had to borrow some of Phoebe's baby legs (I didn't want him to leak on his pants) and a sweatshirt of hers. Some day he will be embarrassed by these pictures :). We also cooked s'mores in my parents' fire pit. Graesen only ate 1 or 2 bites and went back to playing. Crazy boy!
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