When God takes away

Today was supposed to be a great day.  All week I had been anticipating my ultrasound, imagining being told there was one or two babies in there.  I woke up this morning and looked at my stomach in the mirror, like I have every morning since finding out I was pregnant.  There is something about watching your pregnant belly grow that is so amazing and exciting.  I went to the bathroom only to find I was starting to bleed.  This is never something you want to see during pregnancy.  I spent the hours leading up to my appointment begging God not to take away my baby and looking up reasons for first trimester bleeding, hoping for a miracle.  I didn't have a good feeling heading into the ultrasound room and was doing everything I could to not cry.  The ultrasound started and the tech showed me where the sac was.  She did not show me a baby with a heart beat, and I knew it was over.  She made small talk which I knew was to try to distract me so that she didn't have to tell me what I already knew.  My baby was measuring 7 weeks 5 days and had no heart beat.  My baby died last week.  Somewhere between trips to the park, Graesen's allergy appointment, and work, my baby went to heaven.  It makes me sick to think that what is inside me now is no longer alive-to know that I have to wait out a miscarriage.  I loved this baby before it was even made, because I was dreaming of it for so long.  I really don't understand why God took this baby from me and how He expects me to carry on with that piece of me missing. 
Evan had to work tonight, and really couldn't call it off at that late of a notice.  My mom offered to take Graesen or come over, but I am really struggling with the idea of saying out loud what I am really feeling right now.  Something about being around people makes me feel like I have to hold back the tears (even though I know that's not true) and be stronger than I really am.  I didn't really want to send Graesen somewhere else either, because I want to hold onto the baby that God has allowed me to keep.  I wish so badly that this winter I could be watching two babies sleep.