Letting go

The hardest thing to do is to let go of my dreams.  My dreams for our little family are what kept me going when things got bad.  Every time I felt like giving up I thought about my dreams for our little family.  I thought that if I just got through that little period of time everything would get easier.  I thought for certain that if I did all the "right things" that life would start to look up.  I am learning that it doesn't always look that way and I am letting go of everything I dreamed of for us.
Graesen was watched by my mom today while I went to a counseling appointment.  Although we are no longer going as a couple, I have continued to go by myself.  I am fortunate that my health insurance covers counseling.  It gives me a chance to talk about all I am going through and make sure that I am working on healing in a healthy way.  I have dealt with so much pain for a long time and I want to make sure that I address that pain and work through it so that I grow stronger and can become truly healed.  I am so grateful for this resource, and it is an added bonus that my counselor is a Christian.  Having someone that is supportive of me leaning on God during this time and who will pray with/for me is an awesome thing. 
Graesen and Phoebe decided to play dress up in Phoebe's old halloween costumes.  Phoebe was a pink cat and Graesen was a cow.

I'm glad Graesen has Phoebe since he will not have siblings close in age (hopefully, someday down the road he will have some).  Phoebe's family went through the same thing a year ago, so they will grow up understanding what the other is going through with the trials of split families.