Who I am

As I encounter this new journey I am finding the need to figure out who I am.  I lost/gave up so much of myself to try and make an ideal happen that was never going to work out (if that makes any sense).  I was so busy trying to give and to create something beautiful that I forgot who I am.  In an effort to rediscover myself, I decided that it might be a good idea to write down a bit of who I am.

• I am a Presbyterian.
• I loved God and believed in him all along, but it wasn't until after I had Graesen that I really knew him.  Something about seeing the miracle of my baby boy gave me an idea of the kind of love that God has for me.  This changed the way I looked at God and renewed a passion in me for following His word.
• I run.  I used to run competitively (long distance).  I was even on scholarship in college until I got majorly injured and majorly unhappy, and decided to transfer schools.  Then I started marathons.  I ran the Boston marathon which was a huge dream of mine.
• I used to sing.  I was in choir for years and have sung solos in front of hundreds of people.  Ask me to sing in front of just a few people or in front of people I know well and I will panic.  
• I am still scared of the dark.
• I have a big sweet tooth, but I prefer gummy candy over chocolate most of the time.
• I like to wake board more than water ski and snow board more than ski.
• I love the color red.
• I have a major obsession with popcorn.  I can down a serious amount of popcorn.
• I prefer happy movies.  I feel like life is hard enough, so if I want to watch a movie I usually choose something uplifting.
• I am the youngest of 3 girls in my family.
• I am a horrible liar.  I don't lie, but there have been times I have been asked to keep a secret and if someone asks me I can not hide it.
• I used to be known as "the bubbly one."  At church leadership camp I was told that if someone could not remember who Janelle was, they would say, "Oh, she's the bubbly one."
• I love cats and always wanted a bunny.
• I wish I could be a photographer and actually have the talent to be good at it.
• I am a huge daydreamer.
• I like to multitask.  I actually have trouble sitting still unless I am very busy.  In school I used to take notes, answer the teacher's questions, and do homework from another class at the same time.  No one cared, because I got A's.  I would just start daydreaming if I didn't keep myself super busy the whole time.
• I am super sensitive.
• I have had mono, lyme disease, and dengae fever (can't remember how to spell that one).  Doctors are always impressed by this list.
• I have had 6 stress fractures in my legs, but I have great bone density.  My body was apparently not made to run.
• My favorite way to spend a weekend night is in sweats with those I love, watching funny movies, and eating junk food.
• I would choose the ocean over a lake most of the time.
• I want to adopt a child some day.
• If I had it my way I would be a stay at home mom with a whole bunch of kids.
• I was once on a flight that got very close to crashing.  I am now scared of flying, but I do it anyways.
• I am scared of heights unless I have a harness on.
• I had almost 21 hours of hard labor with Graesen, yet the minute he was born I couldn't wait to do it again.
• I seriously love holiday traditions for all holidays.
• I have fat knees.  Really.  One day while I was pregnant the doctor was checking my legs for swelling.  She was worried because she thought my knees were swollen.  I told her they always look that way.  I just have fat knees.  She laughed at me.  It's ok, it actually is kind of funny.
• I am majorly afraid of falling off a cliff.  I had a recurring dream as a kid about my car crashing off a cliff.  I guess I never recovered from that dream.
• I am seriously ticklish.  Tickling is actually a form of torture for me.
• I was a life guard for a few years.  I never had to actually rescue anyone, but I would spend the whole time visualizing what I would do in an emergency, because you never can be too prepared.
• I am a huge worrier.  I have read that scripture about not worrying about tomorrow more times than I can count.
• I kind of want to do an ultramarathon someday just for the sake of accomplishing it.  The same thing goes for the ironman.
• I get sappy and teary-eyed over any happy story involving love, bravery, or babies, but then I get embarrassed for getting teary-eyed and try to hide it.
• Even when my life has fallen to pieces I still find myself daydreaming of a better future.

So, there is a little bit of who I am :)

Graesen spent most of the day with Evan and his parents while I went to appointments.  I found out today that my gallbladder test came back as almost normal.  My gallbladder is releasing bile slower than normal, but it is not enough to do something about yet.  The doctor wants me to do a gastric emptying test, but I am opting out of it for now.  I want to see if some diet changes will help.  Plus, I want to see if maybe the excessive amount of stress I have had is playing a part in my stomach issues.  If I am still having a lot of problems when I go to see the doctor in February then we can go ahead with the tests then.

Tonight Graesen and I ate dinner with my family.  He was super tired tonight and was losing it most of the night.  He seems to be fighting off a little stomach bug or something, so he is just not quite himself right now.  He did, however, majorly enjoy licking the beater while my mom made cake.