Between the storms

It rained on and off today, but Graesen and I managed to fit in a walk and trip to the park between storms.  I just love watching him play and enjoy life.

My necklace came in today.  I love it.

Memorial Day

We spent the first part of the day cleaning, then did a little birthday shopping for Graesen.  I am pretty sure that this will be the last year we can birthday shop while he is with us. 
Evan had to go to work tonight, but Graesen and I were able to go to my grandparents' house for a family dinner.  Graesen and Phoebe had fun running around in the back yard and playing with a bucket of water.

 Enjoying his brownie sunday:

I was busy enough all weekend that I didn't have too many sad moments.  Tonight, though, as I took Graesen for a walk it all kind of came back to get me.  It is amazing how much of an impression a baby can make on you when you never even got to meet it. 

A little cabin fun

Sorry, yesterday's pictures are not very good.  They were cell phone pictures since I didn't have access to a computer for downloading my pictures yesterday.  We spent last night at Evan's family's cabin.  The weather ended up being nice which was a big surprise.  Graesen had a great time.  It is late and I am tired, so I think I will let the pictures tell you about what we did on our little overnight.

at the lake

We are at Evans family's cabin tonight. Graesen is loving going on hikes.

dramatic

Graesen has a bit of a dramatic side.  It tends to come out when he is tired or when I have been working and he missed me.  Tonight he woke up from a nap and begged for a banana in the most dramatic way.  He then did the same thing for dinner, repeatedly saying, "I want noonies!"  "Noonies" means noodles in Graesen language in case you didn't know.  During bath time he begged to be held.  It was actually kind of comical how dramatic he was tonight.  And I didn't mind one bit when the dramatic boy insisted that we cuddle on the couch :)

With his banana he was so desperate for:

Looking at a rainbow (or "bow" in Graesen's language) out the window:

Reading to himself:

What big teeth you have!

Graesen must think that his teeth are really big.  I was getting myself ready to go on a walk (that I never went on) and Graesen was in the kitchen.  I came back in the kitchen and he had pulled a chair up to the counter and climbed up.  He had found one of his real tooth brushes and the dish brush and was brushing away, alternating between the two brushes.  After I took some pictures :) I got him down and went to go grab a towel ( got the ground all wet).  I came back to find him slurping up the water on the floor!  I guess I can at least be glad that he was trying to help "clean up" :) 

I got a statement of benefits today that shows how much I will owe towards the lab work I had done.  I knew I would start to get bills, but I was hoping it wouldn't be so soon.  I didn't really want to think about it yet.  Something about paying for my miscarriage seems so sad.  I had put money aside to pay for the birth of our baby (what insurance doesn't cover), but now I am paying without a baby.  It is just another one of those moments when I am reminded of what I have lost and what could have been.

In good news, I got a summer job today!  I will be working at the gym nursery again.  This is great, because I get to take Graesen with me.  Plus I don't work until late afternoon, which will allow us to have time with Evan each day since his work days also start in the afternoon.  I had been so stressed about finding a summer job and with the stress of the miscarriage I just told God that I really needed something good to happen.  I told Him that I was feeling overwhelmed and asked that he take away some of my stress.  About an hour later He did!

Walking, walking, walking

There is a little trail close to our house that we run/walk on a lot.  Lately Graesen has been begging us to let him out of the stroller so that he can walk.  Today we decided to let him walk all the way to the trail and on the trail without a stroller.  He loved it.  He stopped to look at flowers and pick up rocks, and even tried to chase down a runner that went by.  He ended up walking at least 1 mile, which I think is pretty impressive for a little boy who isn't even two yet.  When he finally started to get tired he found a nice spot and just plopped down with his water bottle.  Evan carried him home after that, because we needed to get back in time for him to mow the lawn before work. 

I still continue to have ups and downs.  When I stay busy I don't think too much about Lea.  It's the moments when I slow down that I miss her the most.