I struggle with the idea that Graesen may be only child. I enjoy being his mom so much and always dreamed of a house full of children. I wanted for Graesen to have siblings who could be his lifelong friends. The second Graesen was born I knew I wanted to do it all again, all 20+ hours of labor included. The day Graesen was born was absolutely the best day of my life. I just get so sad when I think that maybe I won't get to do it again. I don't know what God has planned for me. I am trying each day to let go and give God control. And just to clarify, just because my life is difficult right now does not mean in any way that I don't want for others to be blessed. I know many people who are pregnant or getting married and I am so happy that God is blessing them in this way. I love hearing that people are happy. I am the kind of person who almost always chooses happy movies, because I love happy stories. I know that this time in my life is just a season. There will be seasons for celebrating for me too (although only God knows what this will look like).
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